According to child expert Magda Gerber, babies do not naturally become bored (I however would beg to differ). Allowing babies time to explore their feet, stare at a lampshade or gaze for hours at a toy green elephant (as my little cherub does) is good for them.

However, for the parent, letting  a child occupy themselves can often feel uncomfortable. Carers often feel the need to stimulate their children as much as possible. But letting a baby ‘be’, to discover themselves, can, in the long term, aid concentration skills. Babies require uninterrupted time with their own thoughts and it is in these seemingly quiet periods, that subtle developmental shifts can take place.

Don’t interrupt your baby as he gazes out of the window – wait until his eyes are drawn away and his concentration naturally dissipates - to change his nappy – or feed him. As parents when we decide to interrupt our babies, we shorten their concentration spans. We, in a sense, are not giving our child the respect they deserve. It’s annoying for us to be interrupted by a door bell, phone, or useless chatter at work when we are trying to concentrate. Babies (probably) feel the same way. They just don’t have the same articulation as us adults!

And the most valuable tip? Children and babies love everyday tasks- especially if they are fully present and in the moment. For example. It isn’t always necessary to give the child a toy duck in the bath. Let them splash around in the water and experience the simplicity and the  joy of water on their skin (very spiritual I know – I’ll light some scented candles a little later!). They don’t need a toy as you change their nappy. Let them find ways to occupy themselves. If you start as you mean to go on, you will find that your child is more likely to have a longer concentration span – this will help them enormously at school where there will be an emphasis in developing concentration skills further.

So the moral of the story is: Don’t feel guilty… rejoice in your baby gazing and cooing contentedly while you get on with the housework or reading a magazine. Both you and your baby need ‘me’ time. You can be safe in the knowledge that you are actually ‘building’ their concentration muscle rather than neglecting them. If baby play bores you hairless, then this is invaluable advice.

To get some further parenting tips and advice on child development please visit:

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/04/baby-interrupted-7-ways-to-build-your-childs-focus-and-attention-span/

By Riya Agnihotri

www.averagetoexceptional.com

http://twitter.com/riyaagnihotri

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Parents need to be aware that: bringing up a bilingual child will affect the rest of their lives and the lives of their offspring.

Many people don’t realise that being bi -or monolingual – will ultimately affect several areas of their lives; including their identity, marriage, where they live, travel, ways of thinking, their employment and social networks.

Children who are bilingual enjoy:

* Wider communication with community/extended family/international links.

* Literacy into languages

* Two worlds of experience

* Greater tolerance of people and diversity

* Raised self-esteem

* Secure in the knowledge of ‘who they are.’

* Achievement at school is often greatly enhanced

* Bilingual children often find it much easier to learn a third language

* Their thinking is exposed to a greater variety of situations which often results in

greater creativity, heightened concentration and sensitivity in different situations.

* Future economic advantage

Young bilingual children, who have to choose between two languages several times a day; often develop a much better awareness of the languages involved in their day to day lives.

They are much better than monolingual children at establishing an abstract connection between letters and sounds. They often become better writers, are more able communicators and effective uses of language because of they have a better understanding of how language works.

Controlled experiments have been conducted and reveal that often bilingual children enjoy greater academic success. This is due to the fact that bilingual children need to have a constant awareness of language and their ability within it.

As we have seen; bilinguals often enjoy greater academic success.

Bilinguals have been shown to excel in DIVERGENT THINKING : this is basically the ability to come up with various solutions to a problem or situation rather than just one solution.

Being able to think DIVERGENTLY is considered to be a pre-requisite and a basic element of creativity. So for example children are often able to think of more than just one use for a paperclip, box etc there are many other tests that have been conducted that show bilingual children excelling in academia compared to their monolingual peers.

Therefore it doesn’t really matter which languages the child is bilingual in – it just matters that you, as a parent, attempt to facilitate your child’s learning into languages.

The beauty of second and third generation British Asians is that they have often had enough early exposure to the language in order to make a start or indeed use the wider community in their endeavours to transform their family into a bilingual home.

So leave your distaste or embarrassment for the mother tongue and embrace – for the sake of your child – a world of new possibilities!

Related posts:

1. Bringing Up Bilingual Children:1
2. What is Happening to Minority Languages?: 2

Our identities are comprised of many facets; and for ethnic minority peoples our identity is closely related to our geographical homeland and ancestry.  The history of our nation, our language, religion and rituals have an irreplaceable place in our lives.

As British Asians our lives are inextricably related to various areas that we often give little thought to.  We walk a tightrope between two very different cultures managing, with expert ease, different languages and culturally varied situations.

But now things are changing for the children of second generation immigrants.  Our first-generation parents had little choice but to bring their children up with a minority language at home.  They often enforced stringent rules that rarely relaxed in the face of defiance from their children who were being heavily influenced by Western culture, foods, languages style and address.

This has now manifested in the third-generation children being less proficient in their ‘home’ languages and  it is becoming obvious that they know little of their ancestral background.

Some children are lucky enough to have frequent exposure to grandparents who still converse in their native languages with their grandchildren. Thirty years ago this knowledge would have been imparted (albeit unwittingly) by parents.

So why has this happened?

Parents today are busy. Changing gender roles for both the indigenous population and the British Asian community has meant both men and women work outside of the home. As a result children, in the most crucial stages of their lives, are brought up with the majority language that child minders , nurseries and schools use.  Unless a specific minority language speaking carer is sought by the parents, the child will grow up with very little exposure to the minority language. This would not have been the situation 30 years ago as mothers were still predominantly spending their lives in the domestic sphere.

Saturday schools in a child’s minority language of choice is not enough to develop adequate linguistic skills in the chosen language.

At the risk of judging parents and perhaps resorting to generalisations, I have found in my research for this book that the majority of parents tend to have negative associations with minority languages.  Whether the minority language is Punjabi, Hindi, Gujerati  or Urdu.  Often they feel that these languages are not held in high regard by the European and western world and therefore parents are reluctant to impart these languages to their children for fear of being ostracised by the host culture.

These ‘community languages’  are hardly thought to have the cultural connotations of French; the sophistication of Italian or the global popularity that Spanish enjoys.

Being bilingual for some British Asians is not something they view with high regard.  They have grown up with their minority language and for some that is (unfortunately)  viewed as  a secondary but a necessary part of their upbringing.  Necessary in the sense that they were required, as children,  to accumulate knowledge in the language in order to effectively communicate with their parents or the other ‘older’ members  in the community. For these people the minority language was and still is, only required to communicate with family and very close familial friends and the elders in the community. It is not something that they view with pleasure.

Now the friendships and ‘work’ networks of British Asians are specifically targeted in the majority language: English.  In fact most global business and networking is carried out in English. If one was to look at factual information 80% of all websites are actually in English.  Therefore any need to keep up minority languages has been eliminated.

These facts coupled with a negative attitude and connotations, minority languages are losing their foothold amongst the majority of British Asians in the UK.

Related posts:

1. Bringing Up Bilingual Children:1
2. Why Should We Teach Our Children Minority Languages?: 3

Latest research is showing that boys should be encouraged to play with toy guns at nursery school because it can help improve their academic performance.

It’s hard to believe that something that we are so against as a society should actually be accepted and reinforced by our education systems.

The Department for Children, Schools and Families said boys aged between three and five had fallen behind their female classmates partly because nursery staff tried to curb their desire for boisterous play involving weapons. Boys were more likely to become interested in education and would perform better if encouraged to pursue their chosen play.

The advice has proved controversial with teachers’ unions, which said that toy guns “symbolise aggression” and teachers were right to stop them being used. They also criticised the government for stereotyping boys.

The guidance; Confident, Capable and Creative: Supporting Boys’ Achievements, said national data for 2004-06 showed that in nursery education, boys performed worse than girls across all areas of learning. It is a pattern which the government says continues up until the GCSE stage. The report illustrates that better results can be achieved if nursery staff curb their “instincts” to stop boys from playing with toy guns and instead make better use of their interests.

“Sometimes practitioners find the chosen play of boys more difficult to understand and value than that of girls,” the guidance states. “They may choose activities in which adults involve themselves least, or play that involves more action and a greater use of the available space, especially outdoors. Images and ideas gleaned from the media are common starting points in boys’ play and may involve characters with special powers or weapons. Adults can find this type of play particularly challenging and have a natural instinct to stop it.”

Our natural instincts do take over when supervising child’s play. I can recall countless times when I have dived to change the channels when violence erupted on the screen. Bollywood can be particularly shaky because film that are a (U) Certificate can contain very violent scenes. Take for example Oh My Friend Ganesha. This is a cartoon based Bollywood film but yet contains some very dubious scenes. Sex is taboo in Bollywood films – but unfortunately mindless violence is still high on the agenda for most directors, even when making films for children.

But from what I can recall I grew up in the late 70′s and 1980′s the era of Sholay style gangster movies. And we seem to have turned out OK. Where on earth do we draw the line? My husband doesn’t see the problem, but I tend to think if he watches it then my son may attempt to emulate this behaviour in Nursery with other children.

The report further specified that -as long as staff helped boys understand and respect the rights of other children. “Creating situations so that boys’ interests in these forms of play can be fostered through healthy and safe risk-taking – will enhance every aspect of their learning,”

Therefore it is not the violent play or viewing of violence that should be curbed – such play should always be accompanied by open discussion as to the implications and negativity of such situations.

Beverley Hughes, the children’s minister, said the guidance took “a common-sense approach to the fact that many children, and perhaps particularly many boys, like boisterous, physical activity”.

But Chris Keates, general secretary of the NASUWT teachers’ union, warned that nurseries following the guidance risked incurring the anger of parents.

“I do not think schools should be encouraging boys to play with toy weapons,” he said. “Many parents take the decision that their children won’t have toy weapons. In addition to that, I think this is a clear example of gender stereotyping.”

Steve Sinnott, NUT general secretary, said: “The real problem with weapons is that they symbolise aggression. We do need to ensure, whether the playing is rumbustious or not, that there is a respect for your peers, however young they are.”

So How Can We Use This Information To Allow Our Boys To Be Boys?

My personal opinion is that everything in moderation is good, good, good. Let boys be boys – but Parents must be vigilant as to the type of violence their youngsters watch on television and other forms of media. Play acting, fighting and being boisterous are great. They are very good ways to burn off  the excess energy that young boys seem to have. My son is four years old now and can tell the difference between play fighting and actual aggression that can hurt others.  However, in all honesty, there was a very long process involved in trying to curb his burgeoning fascination for all things ’violent’.  Now  – he ‘pretend’ fights with caution incase he hurts his peers. There is a steep learning curve and as long as a child’s play is monitored; a boy can have the best of  both worlds.

I don’t think there is any harm with ‘aggressive’ play and from my experience in schools both as a lecturer and parent,  I do believe that schools err on the side of ‘safety’ (understandably!) and  such play can be regarded as deviant, and stamped out by over-zealous teachers. This can hinder the natural instincts of boys. Without going in to the intricacies of boys development, they do learn in a VERY different way to girls and should not be compared to them.

So as a parent? My advice would be to make some pretend guns and get firing….

Have a look at a poem on this theme:  http://www.ambaraypublishing.co.uk/category/writing-for-children/fiction/

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A report prepared by Unesco in 2008 stated that the Punjabi language will disappear from the world in 50 years. Now I don’t know the accuracy of this report, however I am aware of second and third generation NRI parents who are struggling to ensure that their British Punjabi offspring have an adequate grasp of the Punjabi language that they themselves grew up with.

I myself am struggling to impart the language and cultural nuances of Punjabi to my son. I have therefore extended my writings and interests to cover the area of bilingualism and how this in particular it is effecting the Punjabi community outside of the Panjab.

Language is the only way to retain a culture and as parents we must endeavour to do our very best.

The UNESCO report said the following about language and it’s acquisition :

“A language is in danger when its speakers cease to use it, use it in an increasingly reduced number of communicative domains, and cease to pass it on from one generation to the next. That is, there are no new speakers, adults or children.”

“Even languages with many thousands of speakers are no longer being acquired by children; at least 50% of the world’s more than six thousand languages are losing speakers. We estimate that, in most world regions, about 90% of the languages may be replaced by dominant languages by the end of the 21st century.”

And so – without being condescending in any way – the future of a language is entirely dependent on parents making the time; and putting in the necessary effort required to ensure that a child learns a second language. In this case this would be Punjabi.

For NRI parents this is not as easy as it looks. Punjabi is entirely a second language in the United Kingdom and America. English is the host language and often young children and indeed their parents are confined to making use of their ancestral language only in the home or in the local Punjabi community. With increasingly busy lives and kinship networks becoming disparate, the opportunity to acquire ones ‘mother tongue’ is becoming very difficult.

I believe it’s dilution is apparent in second generation immigrants but it is undeniable in the third and further generation of settlers in the west.

We are firmly in the 21st century and living in an era where International boundaries between states are becoming increasingly diluted and the need to communicate in a universal way is crucial to the success of the world economy.

According to Gobind Thukral (South Asia Post, 64th Edition, May 15 2008) “There are more native speakers of Chinese across the globe, but English is the global language. Initially it was military barracks that forced an imperialist language on the people. English, French and Persian are some examples. Now the emergence of English as the global language has been for other critical factors; commerce, industry, technology, media, communication, the Internet, the arts, cinema and popular music. ”

Thus English is the ‘order’ of the day and many parents – especially in the west – may not be overly concerned that their children do not know Punjabi. It is easy to feel smug that their children are thoroughly westernised and can assimilate fully within this society in a way that 1st generation settlers in the West were never able to do. However Western Punjabi children are missing out on a vital part of their native history and roots, which they may wish to have ties with, or show some affiliation to, later on in their lives and careers. To give children a ‘choice’ is the greatest gift a parent can give their children.

In the blogposts on Bilingualism I have tried to cover the importance of bilingualism – this area of Bilingualism amongst British Asians does need to be looked at as there can be an inherant snobbery displayed by some second and third generation Asians towards Ethnic Minority languages. And we need to know about the positive benefits that can be gained from living a bilingual lifestyle.

 
I was speaking about depression in teenagers to an Asian friend in her thirties and her response was “It’s all in the mind. Can a little pill help?- I doubt it – tell them to get some fresh air!”

I am afraid this is a grossly inaccurate and simplistic picture; especially when thinking about the cultural nuances of Asian Families. The dynamics in Asian families (at the risk of generalising) are often patriarchal with certain expectations of obedience from the children. These expectations are extended even to young adults living in the family home. Fear of reprisal or worse – their cries of help being ignored – can often lead to a whole host of other depression related problems for children; including self-harm, eating disorders, aggressive and anti-social behaviours.

Childhood and teen depression is very real and can be painful for both the youngster and the entire family. Figures show that as many as 1 in 33 children and 1 in 8 teenagers suffer from depression. Judging by my work with young adults, I sure this figure may even be significantly higher than we know.

 
What is really worrying is that there is evidence that even pre-schoolers can suffer from childhood depression and it’s signs are difficult to always recognise.

Basheer Lotfi-Fard, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatry fellow at the McGaw Medical Center of Northwestern University and Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago has said:

“Unfortunately, we do view mental illnesses like depression and anxiety related conditions. We know that a child, after achieving recovery from a depressive episode, has a 20 to 60 percent chance of [another bout of depression] after two years and almost 70 percent after five years.”

Initial diagnosis is often made when a parent notices significant change in the child’s behaviour. Sometimes the behaviour may very well include prolonged crying or excessive tiredness that the doctors are unable to explain. Sometimes children as young as 10 can talk of suicide and death. Some children may even attempt to end their own lives.

Childhood and Teen Depression: Know the Risks and Signs

If you’re wondering whether your child is at risk of depression, answering these questions can help:

Do you have a family history of depression? The problem here is that you may not have had your disorder diagnosed or you may feel that this is something that you have struggled with on and off for years. You may very well be an immigrant to the country (from India, Bangladesh or Pakistan) and due to societal taboos surrounding mental health in these respective countries you may not have approached anybody for health advice.
What is important to remember is that depression tends to run in families, suggesting that there may be a genetic basis to the disorder. Has something major happened to you or your child? Divorce, emotional or sexual abuse, loss of a family member or friend, a move to another area, or stress are all significant life events that may lead to symptoms of depression.

Other signs and symptoms of depression in your child may very well include:

 
When you notice that a child’s behaviour or symptoms are interfering with your child’s life, either at home, school or with their peer group, your youngster may indeed be suffering from childhood or teen depression.

Diagnosis and Treatment of Childhood and Teen Depression
* You may notice your child has frequent and persistent depressed mood or irritability
* They may show a loss of interest in daily or regular activities
* You may notice a significant change in weight or appetite
* Their routines and sleep patterns may be disturbed, like suddenly sleeping too much or too little
* They may display a sudden loss of energy or be tired much of the time.
* They may feel what you perceive to be excessive guilt or feelings of worthlessness
* They may start to have noticeable difficulty in  concentrating, this may be a variation to their normal ability to concentrate.
* More disturbingly they may have frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide— or they may even be a suicide attempt.

There are no simple tests to determine if a child or teen is suffering from depression. Usually, the doctor or mental health professional will conduct an interview with the youngster as well as with the parents or caregiver. The doctor may use a specific questionnaire or assessment scale to aid in diagnosis.

Be aware that the doctor probably will want to talk to your child or teen out of your presence.
Counselling and medicine are effective methods used to treat depression in young people. Depending on how old they are, patients are often encouraged to take part in their own treatment decisions. Chronic conditions can be managed and as long as [patients] are under treatment for their symptoms, they can remain under remission and it shouldn’t prevent them from leading normal, healthy lives.”

Childhood and Teen Depression: How You as a Parent Can Help

Try to remain vigilant  to the signs and symptoms of depression, and getting prompt treatment if you strongly feel it is needed. Other things you may want to do to help your child include:

* Making doubly sure your child or teen eats healthy foods

* Encouraging your youngster to remain active; this is known to help with symptoms.

The above two can make a significant difference in alleviating early signs of depression.

* Regularly remind  your child of your support. It’s important to tell your child that he can count on you. These reminders need to be consistent. Children and teenagers often need continual reassurance and reminders.

* Praising your child or teenager for his efforts; do not criticise his actions. It may be difficult for him or her to get up in the morning or do chores or homework during a bout of depression.

* Do  ask for help when you need it. If you feel that your child is not doing well, or needs additional support, contact his or her health care professional. Speak to your child’s teachers even if they seem hurried and harassed. You deserve the best for your child and sometimes it is easy to feel as though you are on your own.

If you as a parent or caregiver need support of your own, don’t hesitate to get help. You need to take care of yourself to be able to provide the best support to your child.

By Riya Agnihotri

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2. Babies Don’t Get Bored!

I feel I am very lucky. I grew up fluent in Punjabi and Hindi and even learnt to read and write these languages. Although I am slow in translation – I would consider myself a fluent speaker. After having my son I have become acutely aware of how much my son is acquiring these languages and his ongoing development in them.   I hope that the information on this site about bilingualism is useful for you.

From the Beginning

For my parents who were first-generation immigrants, the transition was an easy one.  Their natural forms of communication were derived largely from the back home. Conversations were mostly in Punjabi and occasionally they were painfully in broken English.  Often the language of choice at home was my parental mother tongue with smatterings of English.

English was the language of the school.  Our ‘home’ language was very much a separate and distinct entity and kept us in touch with the motherland.  Our parents in misty-eyed remembrance recounted tales of Eastern promise and grandeur. They failed to recount the idiosyncrasies of a culture made up of disparate peoples.  From where we hailed there were over 350 languages  and a myriad of different cultures.

They laughed fondly at the mannerisms of what they saw as ‘innocent, hardworking  people’, of which we too were supposed to be proud of. But they conveniently ignored the obvious disparity and ever increasing gap between British Asian children that the West had nurtured and the country that had long been left behind. Our parents  argued, they had physically moved away from their ‘Des’ but their souls remained there forever more.

Unfortunately,  or perhaps more appropriately, most second and third generation Asians have no such links with the homeland of their parents and lineage. We may visit often and keep in touch with our relatives but our homes are here.

Our concerns are altogether different. Second and third generations are focused on how we can assimilate into the British way of life and do the same for our children.  We want to do this but still retain some of the culture that we have been raised with.

What we want for our children, although different to the first-generation immigrants;  is to instil a subtle appreciation for our heritage and ancestral background.  We want our children to have the ability to converse in a language that we have grown up with and perhaps occasionally endured . But mostly we fondly remember and use our knowledge of our ‘home’ languages appropriately depending on whom we are socialising with.

It is difficult to imagine for those of us who have grown up confident in two or more languages not to have that easy and natural ability to be able to communicate in our ‘native tongue’.  The big challenge arises when we think about how language is picked up and learned by children who see both parents conversed mostly in English and occasionally in the language of their parents.

Recently this has been troubling me.  Since the birth of my son my husband and I, including the wider family have made a conscientious effort to ensure he learns the fundamentals of Punjabi.  He understands it, and he appreciates Bollywood! (Although I’m not entirely sure how much of the Hindi he comprehends.)

However since his immersion in nursery and the English language from most of the day, he converses less frequently with us in Punjabi.  He may occasionally utter certain words and makes up the sentences, but he predominantly communicates in English.  I frequently switch to conversing in Punjabi with him when I remember to,  and I promise myself that we will do as much as we can in order to develop his language skills. It feels like a duty  as well as a passion. I feel I must impart this knowledge on to him – not necessarily to keep our culture and heritage alive and well,  but also so that he can reap the obvious educational benefits that come from being Bilingual and Trilingual. These are clearly outlined in the following chapters.

I feel there is a considerable ‘lack’ of appropriate books for parents to aid them in developing their child’s language skills. DVDs are few and far between,  and those DVD’S that do constitute acceptable viewing, are often heavily ‘religious’ in nature or are just not interesting enough for the discerning youngsters we have today. Religious DVDs may include “The Mahabarata” “Oh My Friend Ganesha”  “Krishna” etc. these are often geared at a Hindi speaking audience and I have yet to find an appropriate Punjabi DVD that my son can learn from

There are sites that have Hindi options: for example at http://www.hindikids.com .  They try to cater for this market , but the quality of books can often be questionable.  There is often the English written with the Hindi , Punjabi , Bengali or Gujerati script.  But the problem arises if you’re not proficient in the written language. This can be a tricky thing when trying to teach your children to converse in your chosen community language.

Accessibility for children to the language can be significantly hindered as parents have no real option but to translate English on the spot.  I often take my Son’s favourite books like The Gruffalo or Three Little Pigs and translate them when I am reading to him – but this is less than ideal in many ways.  Trying to translate as you are reading a child’s favourite story into your community language can often make the process seem stilted and hesitant:  It considerably lacks the flow of a natural voice.

I want something neutral and fun and hopefully it won’t be long before publishers respond to the increasing NRI and NRP demand.

Related posts:

1. What is Happening to Minority Languages?: 2
2. Why Should We Teach Our Children Minority Languages?: 3