Save The Punjabi Language

A report prepared by Unesco in 2008 stated that the Punjabi language will disappear from the world in 50 years. Now I don’t know the accuracy of this report, however I am aware of second and third generation NRI parents who are struggling to ensure that their British Punjabi offspring have an adequate grasp of the Punjabi language that they themselves grew up with.

I myself am struggling to impart the language and cultural nuances of Punjabi to my son. I have therefore extended my writings and interests to cover the area of bilingualism and how this in particular it is effecting the Punjabi community outside of the Panjab.

Language is the only way to retain a culture and as parents we must endeavour to do our very best.

The UNESCO report said the following about language and it’s acquisition :

“A language is in danger when its speakers cease to use it, use it in an increasingly reduced number of communicative domains, and cease to pass it on from one generation to the next. That is, there are no new speakers, adults or children.”

“Even languages with many thousands of speakers are no longer being acquired by children; at least 50% of the world’s more than six thousand languages are losing speakers. We estimate that, in most world regions, about 90% of the languages may be replaced by dominant languages by the end of the 21st century.”

And so – without being condescending in any way – the future of a language is entirely dependent on parents making the time; and putting in the necessary effort required to ensure that a child learns a second language. In this case this would be Punjabi.

For NRI parents this is not as easy as it looks. Punjabi is entirely a second language in the United Kingdom and America. English is the host language and often young children and indeed their parents are confined to making use of their ancestral language only in the home or in the local Punjabi community. With increasingly busy lives and kinship networks becoming disparate, the opportunity to acquire ones ‘mother tongue’ is becoming very difficult.

I believe it’s dilution is apparent in second generation immigrants but it is undeniable in the third and further generation of settlers in the west.

We are firmly in the 21st century and living in an era where International boundaries between states are becoming increasingly diluted and the need to communicate in a universal way is crucial to the success of the world economy.

According to Gobind Thukral (South Asia Post, 64th Edition, May 15 2008) “There are more native speakers of Chinese across the globe, but English is the global language. Initially it was military barracks that forced an imperialist language on the people. English, French and Persian are some examples. Now the emergence of English as the global language has been for other critical factors; commerce, industry, technology, media, communication, the Internet, the arts, cinema and popular music. ”

Thus English is the ‘order’ of the day and many parents – especially in the west – may not be overly concerned that their children do not know Punjabi. It is easy to feel smug that their children are thoroughly westernised and can assimilate fully within this society in a way that 1st generation settlers in the West were never able to do. However Western Punjabi children are missing out on a vital part of their native history and roots, which they may wish to have ties with, or show some affiliation to, later on in their lives and careers. To give children a ‘choice’ is the greatest gift a parent can give their children.

In the blogposts on Bilingualism I have tried to cover the importance of bilingualism – this area of Bilingualism amongst British Asians does need to be looked at as there can be an inherant snobbery displayed by some second and third generation Asians towards Ethnic Minority languages. And we need to know about the positive benefits that can be gained from living a bilingual lifestyle.

Secret Slobbery

As I write this I can imagine that you are ensconced in your black leather reclining sofa, watching Saloni Ka Safar, sipping on a hot cup of garam masala chai that you especially prepared for yourself? You have finished all the housework and dusted every nook and cranny of your house. The laundry is drying and even the windows gleam.

You thought that you would rest for a while before collecting your children and bringing them home to eat their freshly prepared meal around your hundred seated, teak dining table especially imported from India. The flowers that you bought this morning in-between the chores, rustle gently in front of the window.

No? You’re not? You are actually trying to surf the net with your children trying to murder each other and your husband complaining loudly that he has no more boxers shorts? At the same time you are scanning the room mentally torturing yourself for not cleaning up earlier. Suddenly your child whines that he is hungry and you realise you hadn’t even thought of dinner and your fat bum hasn’t been to the gym in weeks. The chaos in your house renders it barely habitable and you wonder why you live in such a mess.

I know I do and so do millions of others! But people like my next door neighbour are the ‘cleanest’ people on earth and they have a baby. Their cars are washed and waxed weekly, I can hear the hoover most days and they leave the lights on in their kitchen at night so everybody in our cul–de- sac can peer in. I always look in enviously and with astonishment, not a stain in sight and definitely NO CLUTTER!

I then proceed to jump down my husband’s throat at the bloody mess in the house. It’s not all my responsibility.

But you know we all try to put on our best most uber- capable flawless front to the world, while inside we are dealing with a myriad of problems ranging from dealing with draining family members to keeping the house in some kind of order.

Apparently 99 per cent of us feel some kind of hideous pressure to perform and admit to occasionally feeling out of control from life’s daily chores.

We tend to feel bad about our secret messes, like lots of hair and dust occupying corners of laminate or wood flooring and a colony of spiders in a gap between two cupboards. I know when someone arrives unannounced, I go in to a state of panic about the toilet and hair I can see. I pretend to go for a wee and frantically clean the downstairs loo, and sneakily shuffle around the house picking up the hair entwined with age old dust and bits of chocolate buttons. Uhgh!

Just as Chunni’s and heavy gold jewellery constrained Asian women in the sixties and seventies, (before a large proportion of their children embraced the modern western attire of the Brits) so clutter-free minimalism constrains the Asian babe of the 21st Century.

We are still behind the ‘white natives’ because minimalism to us constitutes using gold plated tissue boxes and flashing lights around the pictures of our Guru’s, demi-gods or temples. But we are fast catching up with the craze for pristine white tiles and carpets to match. I have been to houses where bathroom surfaces are cleaner than their owners, because the poor clutter-free loons can’t ‘bear’ toiletries messing everything up.

Some Asians are keeping cleaners and not all of them are imported brides from ‘back home.’ A couple of mums I know, sheepishly admit to this luxury – but they wouldn’t tell their own mums for fear of a clip around the ear.

So you could be a lawyer with two cheeky children, a full-time job and a four bedroom house, but you will probably feel greater pressure to clean your home at weekends than spend quality time on yourself and the kids.

All Desi Mums, whether in a job or at home can feel additional pressure from various areas of their lives and often these are the direct result of community and societal pressures of the ‘role’ of the woman after marriage. This can prevent a woman taking tentative steps in order to ease her work load by getting a cleaner, nanny or au pair.

Such opinions are deeply ingrained and transcend generational barriers. So really what we perceive to be vastly improved circumstances for Asian women in this country, is really just a masque for belief systems that are still there and expressed subversively in religious and ritualistic practices.

Other exposure, like Asian television and radio, all portray certain stereotypes and images of the ideal female (perhaps unintentionally) and her role in the family. There are families in the United Kingdom that still stringently believe and except the chronic subjugation of women and this will take generations to weaken.
So what can we do to help ourselves and not be so obsessed by futile domestic practices?

• Start by accepting that a messy home is fibrillating with possibilities. It tells people (even if they drop cutting one-liners) that here lives someone with many more interesting things to be doing than putting away socks in alphabetical order of coutry of origin or ironing knickers (people do iron knickers!).

• A house in which everything is ruthlessly tidied away is the lifeless abode of an owner with no soul and harbouring a personality disorder.

• Clutter brings serendipitous finds: Divali cards for a Granny’s that live in the Homeland. Your child’s first scribbling, money, tickets to theatre shows that you loved, former fat pictures hidden under pile of books and many more illustrious discoveries.

• Hire a cleaner, nanny or Au Pair. All three if you can and don’t feel guilty. Our mothers barelycoped, had hard lives and no time. Such things are no longer luxuries and should be regarded as a necessity for any busy mother (If you work and can afford to or give your self a break and save money for this luxury ruthlessly).
*  You don’t have to tell anyone; they can believe that you are superwoman and scoff in envy when they deliberately turn up unannounced.

• Cleaners can be relatively inexpensive these days and cost the equivalent of buying lunch for a week – what would you rather do make your own lunch or have someone come in once a week and sort out your home for you? You can even loiter with the cleaner if you ‘don’t trust’ cleaners – just don’t be tempted to ‘help them’. It will free up lots of time and save oodles of energy (mental and physical) and you could be doing other important things.

• Our friends in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh have ‘home help’ in various forms: gardeners, cleaners, launderers, chefs and the list goes on so; ‘do it yourself and save money’ is NOT a Desi thing!

• Clinical Psychologist, Linda Blair, author of Straight Talking (Piatikus Books, £10.99) believes the, ‘more successful and ambitious the woman, the more likely she is to have an area of chaos in her life because she need a challenge’.

So there you have it, a disorderly house, emotional love life and a pathologically disordered diary is the sign of a woman who rejects a regimented lifestyle and embraces spontaneity. Thus your personal chaotic space can also be the symbol of your personal success and us Asians love a success story!

On a more positive note:

Stay clean, stay sane and go for self acceptance rather than self improvement. The latter is what causes emotional instability and a crazed perspective on life. Now I must put away these boxes before my mum visits….

By Riya Agnihotri

Childhood & Teenage Depression

The facts about depression in children and teenagers are impossible to ignore.  As research shows, the Asian community is reluctant to acknowledge or even think about the possibility of mental health problems. Generally the issue is regarded as a taboo subject and this becomes more apparent when we try to discuss mental health amongst the most vulnerable groups in our society – namely children and teenagers.

 
I was speaking about depression in teenagers to an Asian friend in her thirties and her response was “It’s all in the mind. Can a little pill help?- I doubt it – tell them to get some fresh air!”

I am afraid this is a grossly inaccurate and simplistic picture; especially when thinking about the cultural nuances of Asian Families. The dynamics in Asian families (at the risk of generalising) are often patriarchal with certain expectations of obedience from the children. These expectations are extended even to young adults living in the family home. Fear of reprisal or worse – their cries of help being ignored – can often lead to a whole host of other depression related problems for children; including self-harm, eating disorders, aggressive and anti-social behaviours.

Childhood and teen depression is very real and can be painful for both the youngster and the entire family. Figures show that as many as 1 in 33 children and 1 in 8 teenagers suffer from depression. Judging by my work with young adults, I sure this figure may even be significantly higher than we know.

 
What is really worrying is that there is evidence that even pre-schoolers can suffer from childhood depression and it’s signs are difficult to always recognise.

Basheer Lotfi-Fard, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatry fellow at the McGaw Medical Center of Northwestern University and Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago has said:

“Unfortunately, we do view mental illnesses like depression and anxiety related conditions. We know that a child, after achieving recovery from a depressive episode, has a 20 to 60 percent chance of [another bout of depression] after two years and almost 70 percent after five years.”

Initial diagnosis is often made when a parent notices significant change in the child’s behaviour. Sometimes the behaviour may very well include prolonged crying or excessive tiredness that the doctors are unable to explain. Sometimes children as young as 10 can talk of suicide and death. Some children may even attempt to end their own lives.

Childhood and Teen Depression: Know the Risks and Signs

If you’re wondering whether your child is at risk of depression, answering these questions can help:

Do you have a family history of depression? The problem here is that you may not have had your disorder diagnosed or you may feel that this is something that you have struggled with on and off for years. You may very well be an immigrant to the country (from India, Bangladesh or Pakistan) and due to societal taboos surrounding mental health in these respective countries you may not have approached anybody for health advice.
What is important to remember is that depression tends to run in families, suggesting that there may be a genetic basis to the disorder. Has something major happened to you or your child? Divorce, emotional or sexual abuse, loss of a family member or friend, a move to another area, or stress are all significant life events that may lead to symptoms of depression.

Other signs and symptoms of depression in your child may very well include:

 
When you notice that a child’s behaviour or symptoms are interfering with your child’s life, either at home, school or with their peer group, your youngster may indeed be suffering from childhood or teen depression.

Diagnosis and Treatment of Childhood and Teen Depression
* You may notice your child has frequent and persistent depressed mood or irritability
* They may show a loss of interest in daily or regular activities
* You may notice a significant change in weight or appetite
* Their routines and sleep patterns may be disturbed, like suddenly sleeping too much or too little
* They may display a sudden loss of energy or be tired much of the time.
* They may feel what you perceive to be excessive guilt or feelings of worthlessness
* They may start to have noticeable difficulty in  concentrating, this may be a variation to their normal ability to concentrate.
* More disturbingly they may have frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide— or they may even be a suicide attempt.

There are no simple tests to determine if a child or teen is suffering from depression. Usually, the doctor or mental health professional will conduct an interview with the youngster as well as with the parents or caregiver. The doctor may use a specific questionnaire or assessment scale to aid in diagnosis.

Be aware that the doctor probably will want to talk to your child or teen out of your presence.
Counselling and medicine are effective methods used to treat depression in young people. Depending on how old they are, patients are often encouraged to take part in their own treatment decisions. Chronic conditions can be managed and as long as [patients] are under treatment for their symptoms, they can remain under remission and it shouldn’t prevent them from leading normal, healthy lives.”

Childhood and Teen Depression: How You as a Parent Can Help

Try to remain vigilant  to the signs and symptoms of depression, and getting prompt treatment if you strongly feel it is needed. Other things you may want to do to help your child include:

* Making doubly sure your child or teen eats healthy foods

* Encouraging your youngster to remain active; this is known to help with symptoms.

The above two can make a significant difference in alleviating early signs of depression.

* Regularly remind  your child of your support. It’s important to tell your child that he can count on you. These reminders need to be consistent. Children and teenagers often need continual reassurance and reminders.

* Praising your child or teenager for his efforts; do not criticise his actions. It may be difficult for him or her to get up in the morning or do chores or homework during a bout of depression.

* Do  ask for help when you need it. If you feel that your child is not doing well, or needs additional support, contact his or her health care professional. Speak to your child’s teachers even if they seem hurried and harassed. You deserve the best for your child and sometimes it is easy to feel as though you are on your own.

If you as a parent or caregiver need support of your own, don’t hesitate to get help. You need to take care of yourself to be able to provide the best support to your child.

By Riya Agnihotri

Demeanour for the Ultimate Diva

Forget clothes, forget hair, forget facial hair …(okay maybe I am taking that a tad too far!) but seriously have you , as a stylish young Asian woman , ever given thought to what comes out of your Dior pout? Have you ever contemplated the complexities of your charismatic character and how it appears to the outside world?

This is often something that is overlooked in favour of various studies that have been conducted in favour of changing ones appearance in order to win that dream job, bag that dream man or make your business more successful.

But ultimately beauty in all it’s glorious forms also comes in the guise of self-esteem, self assurance including lots of study -as well practice in front of a non-judgemental mirror! The American industry also heavily promotes the cultivation of personality as well as the more the superficial elements of beauty- like boobs, hair and skin. The Self- Help industry is massive in America and growing steadily in the United Kingdom.

The American’s see mental clarity and super confidence as the first rung on the ladder of success and paramount in accompanying our physical presence in to the world. As an example Bipasha Basu isn’t as symmetrical as Aishwarya Rai Bachan and she doesn’t have the milky hues of Katrina Kaif but the woman oozes sex appeal, positively gleams with glamour and has had the honour of being compared to the iconic Sophia Lauren.
Bipasha Basu has been quoted saying that the secret ingredient in a truly glamourous woman is in the mind. She is aware of her own power and harnesses her body to project a certain image: confidence in herself is what attracts other people to her. Body language, is subtle but immensely influential when trying to win over others.

It has been 11 years since Tom Peters, the American Management guru, published a manifesto entitled “The Brand Called You”. Peters declared that; “In this age of the individual, you have to be your own brand…that’s true for anyone who’s interested in what it takes to stand out and prosper in the new world of work.”

Subconsciously we are all used to celebrities, polititcians and world leaders branding  themselves. Shilpa Shetty’s stint in the Brother House allowed her to brand herself in a big way. Her sophistication and grace won the hearts of the nation and it allowed her to capitalise on what appeared to be ‘Eastern Values’.

Before her live trauma on screen, Shilpa was an average actress. Her carefully constructed beauty and amazing body was an important part of the Shetty brand; but it was her deliberate control in the face of adversity and crisp use of her femininity that illuminated Shilpa Shetty and elevated her status in Bollywood and abroad. Only a supremely intelligent woman can use these attributes but still allow her ‘true self’ to come through. Shilpa was careful (or perhaps it was natural and thus effortless) to retain a genuineness about herself: Doing this negated any possible projection of arrogance and allowed the nation to warm to her. Shilpa Shetty is an authentic fake. Master the art and you too could reach new heights.

Perhaps Shilpa Shetty could counsel Naomi Campbell in the art of glamour and muliebrity. Naomi Campbell may be beautiful but the woman carries little class. Arrogance and aggressiveness is unnatural in whatever form it appears, and such behaviour should be anathema for women. These traits although undesirable in men appear a lot more ‘natural’ and are generally considered alpha male attributes. There are other more productive and effective ways in which to make yourself heard. There is nothing quite like control and effeminacy to compliment your physical appearance.

Personal branding supremo Louise Mowbray, of Mowbray By Design, one of the UK’s only Personal Branding Services admits that the British don’t really want to admit they are working on themselves. This attitude is very different to those New York explains Mowbray: “They happily introduce you as their personal branding consultant.” Mowbray charges about £400 an hour and sixty per cent of her clients can be anyone from bankers to plastic surgeons to someone who owns a series of health clubs. The other forty per cent are those in public eye.

Working on yourself and making clear who you are and the image you want to portray will help you stand out in a company or amongst potential clients and customers as well as investors. If you are working in a company with 8,000 others you can ‘stand out’ by being ‘unique’. Find a subtle way of championing a particular cause or develop a particular area of expertise that you will be valued for. Work on your presentation skills and demeanor.

Try to keep up-to-date with what is happening in the world. Take an active interest in literature, art and politics: It will give you something to talk about socially. Read books by successful people and allow them to ‘mentor’ you. I started with “How To Win Friends And Influence People” by the infamous Dale Carnegie. A brilliant self help company called Nightingale Conant have succeeded in changing the lives of hundreds of thousands of people.  Pick and choose the advice that rings true for you.

Ninety nine per cent of people roll along in their lives without any thought to improving how they appear to others or even giving a thought to what their values are and ‘who’ they really want to be.

Image is not just about taking time out with a personal shopper at Selfridges and learning how to apply make-up professionally. It goes a lot deeper.

Finally in answer to the all too familiar question that is often asked is: “How can we create an attractive, magnetic air without impinging upon our true nature and personality?

Many people feel aggrieved that they should have to change; they say it feel as if they are being dishonest with themselves and feel like impostors in their own skin. Surely we should be proud of who we are and feel unafraid of to express ourselves as best we know how? To try to create a new personality can often be regarded as a preposterous suggestion and an added pressure in an already superficial society.

An answer to this conundrum may well be: You might as well not bother to brush your teeth, style your hair or even bother with clothes – why not really go back to your core and the realities of your naked truth?! Developing your demeanour is all about dressing your soul and deviating from the perceived norms of society – taking that time out to nourish how you come across is an all important task, not to be taken lightly in this current climate of competition; whichever field you happen to be in.

Bringing Up Bilingual Children:1

Introduction

I feel I am very lucky. I grew up fluent in Punjabi and Hindi and even learnt to read and write these languages. Although I am slow in translation – I would consider myself a fluent speaker. After having my son I have become acutely aware of how much my son is acquiring these languages and his ongoing development in them.   I hope that the information on this site about bilingualism is useful for you.

From the Beginning

For my parents who were first-generation immigrants, the transition was an easy one.  Their natural forms of communication were derived largely from the back home. Conversations were mostly in Punjabi and occasionally they were painfully in broken English.  Often the language of choice at home was my parental mother tongue with smatterings of English.

English was the language of the school.  Our ‘home’ language was very much a separate and distinct entity and kept us in touch with the motherland.  Our parents in misty-eyed remembrance recounted tales of Eastern promise and grandeur. They failed to recount the idiosyncrasies of a culture made up of disparate peoples.  From where we hailed there were over 350 languages  and a myriad of different cultures.

They laughed fondly at the mannerisms of what they saw as ‘innocent, hardworking  people’, of which we too were supposed to be proud of. But they conveniently ignored the obvious disparity and ever increasing gap between British Asian children that the West had nurtured and the country that had long been left behind. Our parents  argued, they had physically moved away from their ‘Des’ but their souls remained there forever more.

Unfortunately,  or perhaps more appropriately, most second and third generation Asians have no such links with the homeland of their parents and lineage. We may visit often and keep in touch with our relatives but our homes are here.

Our concerns are altogether different. Second and third generations are focused on how we can assimilate into the British way of life and do the same for our children.  We want to do this but still retain some of the culture that we have been raised with.

What we want for our children, although different to the first-generation immigrants;  is to instil a subtle appreciation for our heritage and ancestral background.  We want our children to have the ability to converse in a language that we have grown up with and perhaps occasionally endured . But mostly we fondly remember and use our knowledge of our ‘home’ languages appropriately depending on whom we are socialising with.

It is difficult to imagine for those of us who have grown up confident in two or more languages not to have that easy and natural ability to be able to communicate in our ‘native tongue’.  The big challenge arises when we think about how language is picked up and learned by children who see both parents conversed mostly in English and occasionally in the language of their parents.

Recently this has been troubling me.  Since the birth of my son my husband and I, including the wider family have made a conscientious effort to ensure he learns the fundamentals of Punjabi.  He understands it, and he appreciates Bollywood! (Although I’m not entirely sure how much of the Hindi he comprehends.)

However since his immersion in nursery and the English language from most of the day, he converses less frequently with us in Punjabi.  He may occasionally utter certain words and makes up the sentences, but he predominantly communicates in English.  I frequently switch to conversing in Punjabi with him when I remember to,  and I promise myself that we will do as much as we can in order to develop his language skills. It feels like a duty  as well as a passion. I feel I must impart this knowledge on to him – not necessarily to keep our culture and heritage alive and well,  but also so that he can reap the obvious educational benefits that come from being Bilingual and Trilingual. These are clearly outlined in the following chapters.

I feel there is a considerable ‘lack’ of appropriate books for parents to aid them in developing their child’s language skills. DVDs are few and far between,  and those DVD’S that do constitute acceptable viewing, are often heavily ‘religious’ in nature or are just not interesting enough for the discerning youngsters we have today. Religious DVDs may include “The Mahabarata” “Oh My Friend Ganesha”  “Krishna” etc. these are often geared at a Hindi speaking audience and I have yet to find an appropriate Punjabi DVD that my son can learn from

There are sites that have Hindi options: for example at http://www.hindikids.com .  They try to cater for this market , but the quality of books can often be questionable.  There is often the English written with the Hindi , Punjabi , Bengali or Gujerati script.  But the problem arises if you’re not proficient in the written language. This can be a tricky thing when trying to teach your children to converse in your chosen community language.

Accessibility for children to the language can be significantly hindered as parents have no real option but to translate English on the spot.  I often take my Son’s favourite books like The Gruffalo or Three Little Pigs and translate them when I am reading to him – but this is less than ideal in many ways.  Trying to translate as you are reading a child’s favourite story into your community language can often make the process seem stilted and hesitant:  It considerably lacks the flow of a natural voice.

I want something neutral and fun and hopefully it won’t be long before publishers respond to the increasing NRI and NRP demand.